Getting Past Wanting and Worrying

Recently I caught a section on 60 Minutes about a group of nomadic humans who live in the islands off the coast of Thailand and Burma who are known as the Moken or the sea gypsies of the Andaman Sea. Apparently, because of their intimate expertise of the sea, the Moken humans had been capable to survive the Asian Tsunami of December 2004 when so many others in the place perished. This truth is interesting in and of itself, however what actually caught my interest was once the following excerpt:

The Moken do not know how old they are. Ivanoff says this is because, “Time is no longer the same concept as we have. You cannot say for instance, ‘When.’ It would not exist in Moken language.”
And Ivanoff says “when” is not the only word missing from the Moken language. “Want” is another. “Yes, you use it very often,” says Ivanoff. “Take that out of your language and you see how often you use it. ‘I choose this, I prefer that.'”

There is additionally no phrase for “take.” “You take something,” says Ivanoff. “You give or you take. You do not want.”

The fact is, the Moken desire very little. What they don’t want is to accumulate anything. Baggage is not precise for a nomadic people. It ties you down. They have no notion and no desire for wealth.

But the Moken do have problems. The Burmese have grew to become some of their islands into military bases. And the Thais are having them make trinkets for tourists, a trend that should sooner or later threaten their way of lifestyles a ways more than any range of tsunamis.

But the Moken do not seem terribly concerned with the aid of all this. Perhaps that’s due to the fact “worry” is just one more of these phrases that do not exist in their language.

They don’t have the words for desire or worry in their language. I discovered it intriguing that this is a way of life of human beings who do not define themselves by means of their wants, their worries, or what they have accumulated. And from the brief clip that I noticed of them, they appeared contented enough.

Here in our western society, we do tend to define ourselves by way of our wants, our worries, and the stash of stuff we own. And we additionally have a tendency to go through from a lack of peace and happiness in our lives. I comprehend I’m now not the first person to assume that these matters may be related.

Wants and issues are just thoughts made up by our minds. They are thoughts that floor in our minds that we take hold of maintain of and accept as true with are true. And when we trust they are true, then we become connected to them and go through if things don’t work out precisely as we accept as true with that they should. (I do not consider necessities such as food, clothing and safe haven to be the sort of needs I’m speaking about, I see those more as needs.)

I’ll sacrifice any one expensive to me as an example. Last iciness this individual wanted to purchase a Harley-Davidson bike that his mother used to be selling. He wanted it badly. He visualized owning it and took a photo of himself sitting on it. But when the time came to pay up, he didn’t have the money handy without taking out a loan which he determined against. I know he used to be disappointed, and for a few days he was in a genuinely horrific mood (suffered emotionally) before he finally let it go from his emotions and moved on. But here is the clincher–last week he instructed me he didn’t pass over having the bike at all and he was once happy he did not end up buying it. Imagine that…

My take on this is that when he used to be wanting the motorcycle final winter, he believed that it would one way or the other make him happier or extra fulfilled, however he realized later that he used to be now not much less blissful by means of no longer having the motorcycle. I requested him to suppose about what may mean to him, specifically considering the fact that he now talks about looking a classic car.

So here’s the secret: We favor things that we suppose will make us blissful and content. Our subculture tells us that matters will make us happy, and it is challenging to deny the pervasive influence of this lie. But happiness and peace in our lives do not come from getting the things we suppose we want, they come from developing an internal calmness that is free from wanting. And wanting just makes us sense desperate, stressed and unfulfilled.

How do you get rid of the desperation of wanting? Question it. Ask your self why you prefer something. Do you need it? What will it convey to your life? What will be distinct about your lifestyles if you have it? Will it make you kinder, extra peaceful, or greater content? I’m not announcing by no means get some thing you want or that you assume will entertain you. Just question your self to make certain you are not pinning your happiness on a thing, because happiness comes from your internal being now not something outside you.

Wanting also tends to lead to an accumulation of stuff in our lives that we simply do not want and that drains our electricity barring us even being conscious of it. I visited a pal the other day who has two teenage daughters. There had been laundry baskets full of garments everywhere. Those women have so a good deal clothing that they possibly can not find 1/2 of it. Does it make them more peaceful, happy, or contented inside? I doubt it. Instead, I should feel the strength drain of being confronted with this apparel chaos. I’m sure I observed it due to the fact it’s no longer my residence or my mess, so it’s less difficult for me to see it given that I’m not as used to it. And it’s not like my domestic is that much better. Sometimes I seem at the accumulation of stuff on my kitchen counters after a week of now not paying attention and say “What is all this crap?” and “Why do I have so lots stuff?” Even even though I do not see myself as an avid consumer, I still accumulate too a great deal stuff.

On the different hand, I feel fortunate in that I not often go through from the sickness of wanting. I am grateful for all that I have and I’m content with it. I can’t inform you the final time I craved something – not even a piece of chocolate a lot less a new car. When my modern auto no longer works well, then I will seem to be into getting a new one, however until then I don’t have a robust want for a distinctive or fancier car.

Instead, I have regularly suffered from worries. In the past, I have been a queen of the “what if” game: what if I can’t pay the payments subsequent month? what if I don’t get health insurance? what if I don’t make ample pasta salad for the party? what if I don’t finish my work project on time? what if? what if? what if? On and on the listing could go. These ideas used to surface most frequently when I turned out the lights at night, however they may want to be a constant refrain all through the day also.

I have had to train myself to flip off the worries. Like wants, they are just ideas made up via my thinking that I start to trust in. A worry is suffering emotional turmoil and anxiousness because of something that hasn’t came about but and may no longer happen. How messed up is that! A fear is a terrible emotional feeling based totally on a prediction of the worst case state of affairs for the future, now not some thing that is taking place now.

We are a tradition obsessed with worrying, which causes us undue stress and unhappiness. I’ve realized that for me, the actual remedy for fear is bringing my focal point into the current instead than getting upset about what would possibly or may not happen in the future. One of the remedies for my “what if” syndrome is a trick I took from Susan Jeffer’s book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. When my thinking begins with “what if I cannot pay the bills next month?” I just tell myself “I’ll manage it when and if it simply occurs.” Until then, I do what I can in the present moment to deliver in more earnings or reduce my expenses, however I do not get upset about some thing that might now not happen. If I get to subsequent month and I really don’t have the money, then I’ll have to name whoever I cannot pay and work it out with them, or I’ll have to borrow a little money, some thing it takes when it truely happens. I don’t mean to mean that I take a seat round on my bottom and do nothing if I assume not being capable to pay subsequent month’s bills. I do some greater work or attempt to determine out some other way to carry in more income–I take action now. What I refuse to do anymore is make myself ill or lose sleep about what would possibly show up 30 days from now.

Want and worry and the addiction of collecting stuff starts early in our society. My youngest son is getting shut to four years old, and “I want” is a exact part of his vocabulary. Many times I have heard “I desire a new (toy) truck” when he already has a dozen toy trucks. It’s almost as if having fuels extra wanting. And my older son issues about what next year will be like at faculty because some of his friends have left. He’s waiting for that it will be miserable, therefore the worry. I inform him not to count on that he knows how subsequent 12 months will go, now not to predict the worst case state of affairs for the future. Maybe he’ll have the possibility to make new friends.

Imagine if desire and worry did not exist in our lives. Imagine if we did not let these unruly thoughts of craving and negative anticipation consume our minds. Would we suffer much less from depression, anxiety, fear, low self-esteem, and even anger? I assume so. Imagine if as a society in normal we may want to decrease our collective trying and worrying. Would we motive less destruction to our environment? Would we be a more peaceful and revolutionary nation?

Maybe having a burning desire for something or even some individual in your existence works for you. Maybe stressful offers you some feel of control. But I have determined that having a burning wish makes me feel a little determined and obsessed, and fear just robs me of sleep as an alternative than supporting me accomplish anything. If you locate that you feel desperate, sad or unfulfilled, it may be worthwhile to reflect onconsideration on whether wanting and worrying are stealing your internal peace.

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